Interview with Mars square the Moon - Mothers, narcissism and repressed anger

Interviewer: So, Mars and Moon. I can see by looking at the horoscope, that you two are in a constant epic fight with each other, which put pressure on not only your relationship but also on the relationship with the other planets as well. How would you describe your relationship with you own words?

Mars (looks at the Moon with a mix of exaspiration, anger and hardness): "Yeah, how would you describe this hate and love relationship, Moon?

The Moon in Libra sighs dramatically and looks like Mars just hit her. Hard. With a bat. In the face. Or so it would seem. She looks over at the interviewer with an apologizing smile.
"Oh, I don't know if I am the right one to talk about Mars, most of the time he and his anger is hidden from me - it's only when something or someone does something that annoys him so much that he really reacts. And when he does, then it's like a blowout, held back for far too long. And it ruins all of my attempts at creating a harmonious relationship with others. Then Mars steps in and ruin it with all of his resentment and hidden or repressed anger. Often it's completely misdirected and then I am in a state of constant anxiety, because my equibrilium is lost."

The interviewer looks from Moon to Mars and says: "Phew. That was a whole lot of words from someone not sure if she could or would say anything, I'd say. What do you think, Mars? What is your version of this tale? Is the moon right? Do you have repression issues with anger?

Mars looks angry at first. Like the exact image of long time repressed anger coming up, in a mix of resentment and cold, hard expressionless mask. The Moon reacts by tearing up. 

He then looks so forlorn, regretfuld and alone that the other party hold their breaths and just wait for him to come forth. When he does so, it is with an air of dignity and immense frustration.

"Yeah, she does have a point, I'd say", he admits hesitantly. "I do often go about stuff in a repressed way, and when I finally have enough and blow up, and they don't hear me, I get so frustrated I react with anger, because I have waited so long. It's a form of self undoing I can't get out of, as I am forever camped in this soggy 12th house where things go *bump* in the night. 

Sometimes even I don't know what I am mad about, just that I am. And I don't know what to do, because my boundaries have been violated. Or so it seems. Sometimes everything is blurry and watery. I can't stand it. It's like a deep rumble from the rocks below the watery bottom. Like I have a bad childhood memory of repressing my own energy and it wants to get out but can't..." 

The interviewer nods in understanding. "I can see you're frustrated, Mars. When you feel this way, how do you handle it?"

Mars sighs and slowly says: "Then I I work even harder and if I don't see any progress or things are just stuck, I sometimes get really depressed, loosing my willpower and sometimes also my temper, whichever depends on the situation. If I work with an authority I am not in a position where I can let loose my temper, so the only thing I do is to become really depressed and resentful."

The interviewer looks at the Moon:" And Moon, how do you react when this happens? "

The Moon looks sad then says: "I just want everyone to be happy and coorporate. I'm a Libra, you know? But when Mars looses its steam, I become helpless, demotivated and bleak. I loose my motivation. Or I try to do a lot for other people, just to be liked or feel approved. If it doesn't work I too become depressed and resentful. We really don't know how to work together or act out our feelings because Mars is stuck 'downthere' and I am in this bright and cheery Jupiter House on the 9th floor, and we can't seem to just 'get' each other. We both want to take control and go with it ourselves. We don't budge easily, any of us, I'm afraid, Cardinal energies is all over the place after one of our fights it seems."

The interviewer nods in agreement. "And that's the underlying problem for two such passionate entities, yes? You're both in a cardinal sign, so both of you are using different tactics when it comes to controlling the outcome. How can you explain this? Is there anything in your background which would explain this?"

The Moon looks like she is in deep pain. Then she quietly says: "Mom was a negligent, narcissistic parent who couldn't cope with my feelings and always wanted to control how I felt or how I behaved in a lot of situations. We couldn't see eye to eye on many things, she always criticized my clothes and when I complained too much about my hair when I was a little girl, how it hurt when she used the brush, she just cut it off and made me look like a boy. She still is - controlling that is. It's like I can't stop seeking her advice or make an attempt to impress her with my accomplishments, just to get her approval or praise. It's a deep scar I have recently discovered has been put on me during so many years of my childhood."

The interviewer nods in understanding. "I see", he says. "So, do you think this could have affected how you were made to repress your feelings as a child - and... hereby also your ability to - and repressed anger, Mars?"

Mars nods vigouriously. "I certainly think that's the explanation I have been looking for, for a very long time, on how to live with this condition", he continues, adding to the Moon's explanation. "I was a really angry child, because my dad was very verbally abusive and controlling - I would imagine he was a patronizing, nasty narcissist as well, and none of us were allowed to feel our anger or using it to set boundaries. So Mom took it out on us, not willing to or able to cope with his anger, just teaching us that anger equals BAD, he says, with a hint of forceful anger shadowing his otherwise dignified expression. "We have always felt that we weren't good enough, for one reason or another"

The interviewer looks at them speculatively and nods. "I can see how this makes sense", he says, nodding. "Do you think this realization or reality could be a way of coping with both of your differencies in the future perhaps maybe? A sort of "Us against the world" sort of feeling you could unite in, instead of warring with each other, now that you have found the reason for your suffering all those many years? Having compassion with each other, uniting your very different natures in this case? 

Mars and the Moon nods at the same time. Moon reacts and says with a small smile: "We have already begun to improve on our relationship by recognizing the abused childhood feelings and how it creates anger inside. The key is not to get angry at her or them - but instead using the anger to acknowledge the feelings and knowing that these scars run deep, so very deep, and that this is a complex net of feelings, creating equal parts fear, insecurity, low self worth and an abundance of misdirected anger and frustration. When you KNOW it's easier to take it in and to feel sorry for yourself, comforting yourself in a better way than you knew how to before, by acknowledging it as it is. This is some of the keys to healing, I'd say. Learn the truth and the truth in the 9th house and it shall set you free from the 12th... Isn't that a beautiful feeling?" she laughs with a small but sad smile. 

"Yeah, it only took around 35 years to realize we were the victims of two very narcissistic parents and that it made us strong and weak at the same time. I guess it's due to the combined energy of Saturn and Pluto conjunct in the 9th house. They have a VERY hard time letting people and truth in", Mars says, smiling approvingly to the Moon. "We can set ourselves free if we want to, it just takes a bit more than maybe other people uses."

The interviewer smiles broadly. "I understand that your mother's Moon is conjunct Chiron in the horoscope as well. And with it, also her sun, as it is on the aneretic degree. It's in the 4th house, so I would say, that her instinctive reactions ends up hurting you, and possibly have lived out the Medusa myth, as these bodies are conjunct the star Algol too in the horoscope. 

How do you see this coming together with you two?" he asks curiosly.

The Moon sighs. "I really can't think of a way this couldn't spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E everywhere", she says dramatically. "But mostly it just seems like whatever she does or says, her ways will undermine all of our power in this life, so the best way to handle it, is never again to let her come too close so she can hurt us again or anymore. Even if this is easier said than done, I do believe this is the pavement for anger to be released in a constructive way. Never let them hurt you again, when you have discovered their "tricks" for doing it. Continuing doing so will only lead to dissapointment, anger, sadness and general self-undoing that won't go away. I suggest we keep our distance. It isn't that much of a difference with her in or out of her life. She can't deal with her emotions anyway. And when she does, she isn't great at it, wouldn't you agree, Mars?

Mars nods. "Indeed", he says. "I do think the best way is to be kind but distanced. Not to fall into the narcissistic guilt trap or other of her crazy ways, that only leads to misunderstandings and more suffering along the road."

Thank you, both of you, the interviewer says and closes the notes. I just think you two have come to an agreement that your mother is narcissistic, and who knows - with time your relationship with her, based on these truths, WILL make her come to see things in a different light, because YOU two will act different. She can no longer hide... And that's the key, I would say, to healing narcissitic people. Set boundaries, which I hope you Mars, will be better able to from now on. 

"Yup!" says Mars, nodding. "I have the patience and with Saturn in my hood now as well, things are about to be a loooot different from here on. At least I hope so, right? But I have the Moon with me, in the house of truths, and once you know the truth, you can never go back, isn't that so, Moon?"

The Moon nods and smiles. "For sure, Mars", she says, smiling. "Defenitely for sure".

The Big Bad Wolf and the Virgin - Pluto in Capricorn stalks the progressed Moon in the 10th

These days my progressed Moon has a "friend" ... He's called Pluto. And he is like that bug you can't really shake off. He acts like a stalker, following her and she's desperate to escape his breath in the nape.

I'm talking about the progressed chart with my Moon in Capricorn trudging along in the 10th house, while transitting Pluto (which we all know is a royal pain in the a-hat) is transitting Cap as well on the outside world. I refuse to believe these two don't talk, even if the progressed chart is what's happening on the inside of my brain and feelings. Poor girl. She has had a LOT to deal with the past half year while Pluto was on her like a bee in your stockings. Ouch!
She started squaring my natal moon at 13 degrees early June 2017 and around that time she was also conjunct my natal Mars. Damn! Hot combo. It really *did* feel like a hot mess around this time...

The Moon looks behind her in fear. Fuck. He is right there. Never letting her out of his sight, getting closer, closer, closer... She can feel his breath in her neck, like a really annoying stray dog, and he has the audacity to LAUGH when he meets her eyes. The audacity!

- What's the matter, Moon, aren't you happy to see me? I thought you liked all that seriusness and deep stuff coming off ya these days! 

- Go away, she mumbles and shakes her head. -As if life's not already heavy enough with responsibilities and I know not what, Pluto. Go play with someone else, why does it have to be me you're taunting? I don't have anything to do with the real world anyway. 

Pluto smiles amicably and the Moon knows she is screwed. Pluto only does it before he delivers a hit to the core that robs you of every bluidy thing you hold dear. 

- You're no fun, she sulks. -Why don't you go and piss off a CEO or boss instead of me? I am up to my own neck in trying to fight with half of my heritage and bring it out in the open, and at the same time that shitty Mars is blowing cold mud rocks into my head from his position at the natal chart. Can't you see I am in enough shit already? Don't you know it matters to me how my home works, and that I'm already fighting with my own self with that square to the natal Moon in the 8th house? Why also you now?

Pluto just smiles. Lie. Pluto doesn't smile. He is too cunning for that, that power hungry mongrel, the Moon thinks. She shudders by the thought of what he can think of doing to her, Venus and the other planets in the chart. 

-Can I not teach you how to be self reliant and emotional mature by shaking you up a little? He says with a glint in those deep Pluto eyes. Again, the Mooon shudders. Who knows what lies in those and what morbid things he has seen throughout this lifetime of incarnation. 

-I am doing that all by own, alone, these days myself so thank you very much, but no thanks, she says and sighs. This 10th house business stuff in Capricorn is heavy enough as is, but dealing with your own shit from childhood at the same time, while everyone is watching is even more embarrassing she sighs inwardly and looks down at her big girl pants. There are some holes in the fabric, from where she has taken a hit the past months... She is so tired of the drag, but keeps on. Because Capricorn never give up, they keep on marching on, trying to do the right thing even if there are none to be done.  

-Why won't you lend some of my psychological strenght to get it done? Pluto suggests and the Moon turns around to look at him. He looks so innocent, but part of her is afraid, because she knows what havoc Pluto can play in your life because of his power hungriness and part of her is tempted because she knows she could gain so much more with him backing her up from the outside.
-Don't say you're not considering it, Pluto says and shoots her a sardonic glint of his eyes. -You and me both know that the conflicts inside you have to contend with these days are not child's play...
The Moon looks up at Pluto and says in a small voice: -I don't know how, I don't know if I want to - and I don't know HOW its done - how can I borrow from someone who isn't the giving type but just hunts the take-down of power and psychological control freaks and not my best and most sincere offers? What do I have to gain from doing that you say, Pluto?
Pluto offers her a secret smile and looks at her with his hypnotic eyes. Even in a cold-blooded sign as Cap he can look like a sinner with a virgin heart.
-That, my dear, is totally why I'm offering it to you. It's so that you can build your own power up from the inside and out, and gain access to your soul's true nature by aligning your true purpose with your heart's power and bring it out into the open to build your standing in life, my dear. Isn't that obvious that in order for you to gain such wisdom you must give up your struggle to survice and become the survivor? How to better harness that energy than to feel your heart true purpose?

The Moon closes her eyes and when she opens then she says: -But I'm almost at the weakest right now - everything is squaring up against me in a double whammy of Mars-Moon and the other planets are here as well.
-On the contrary, you have never had so much backup to find your soul purpose in life - where you shine, my dear Moon, Pluto says and points at the other deities in Capricorn. Saturn is far away but closing in, thanks to his ingress into the early Cap degrees and the MC is hoovering outside of the natal 12th house.

-What you seek is not a power you can find inside of yourself alone, Pluto says. -It will need time and matureness to fully bloom and be used for the optimal reasons. None of that is possible without emotional maturity, but you need to take your own power and decide what you wanna build with it, to get into the game so as to years down the road you can look back and see where your focus were.
The Moon slowly says: -And, since you're such an expert of what I want and don't want... then what do you think I focous on, Pluto?

Pluto winks at her. Winks! He says nothing and smiles again. -Really, my dear moon, can't you see it yourself? I did think it became really clear as you moved into a neighbourhood with gang fightings, shooting episodes and conflict. Look at yourself, dear girl! That's what you hide from inside of you, preferring to gloss things over, down in the 8th house Libra stuff... To pretend there are no ugly or rough edges to people but most of all - what you yourself contain. True power comes to those that turns their black holes into shining stars!
His passionate speech renders the Moon speechless for a moment. She feels compelled to follow his words - yet, at the same time, she fears to open herself up again and feel the deepest scars her mother added to her heart.

-Feel it, Pluto breathes, and she looks at him, scared to her bones.
-I can't, she whimpers and close herself down, the pain being too much to bear with all the other things happening around her and the struggle with her own natal self. -What if I am destroyed in myself? I don't want to be left off, bitter, bleeding and worst of all... alone! Why are you doing this to me, Pluto!
-Because I want you to GROW, lady! Without growth we are just imbeciles, trying to escape our deepest wounds which we are sat into this world to solve and dissolve and heal from. Look at yourself - you are running from your own wounds, always has been, if Mars had not kept you in check in a forever battle and square! Don't you want to make peace with your Mars?
The Moon nods. That damned Mars. She is so so tired of that stiffnecked cockyball.
-Alright, she agrees. -I will take your word for it, and not be afraid of failing or loosing myself and my soul. Maybe it will at least give  me some insights I can use to move forward so not to be too afraid later in life.
-Not only insights, Pluto mesmerizes. -God's only power ... wisdom and heart strenght, after you've been in the bowls of your own personal Hell for the entire year, Moon. Don't you want to get free of it in the end, to NOT feel this pain in your gut all the time?
The Moon sighs and nods. -Alright, Pluto. I admit I will achieve what I have not already done: Enough maturity to look at my demons and own them with my whole heart. Nothing less and nothing more. Deal?
-Sweet, my dear girl, Pluto says and put on his sunglasses. -Now, I must get to the club soon. Have fun, little Moon!

And *poof* - the threatening planet of sin and evil purpose is gone before the Moon can say anything else.